Whirlwind

That's the word I'm choosing to describe the past couple weeks of my life. A whirlwind of emotions and thoughts. On January 17th  I was sitting in the doctors office excitedly picking out boy names for my identical twin boys, never once thinking something could be wrong, not wondering why we were waiting so long, not worried, but completely happy and carefree. The doctor opened the door, came in, sat in a chair next to us, placed her hand on my knee, and started talking. I started hearing all these words that I'd never heard before.
"Your twins have twin-twin transfusion syndrome" 
"They need to have surgery or there is no chance of survival"
"How soon can you have surgery?"
"There are 5 locations in the U.S. that you can choose from"
"Tomorrow? Does tomorrow work for you?"

As soon as I heard the words that everything might not be okay, that there are complications and my darling little boys might not survive, my mind started racing. In just 30 mins. I learned all about some syndrome that my babies had and already had appointments for testing and surgery in Denver. There was no time to think, no time to stop, no time to process. My husband and I left the doctor's office that day, both of us calling a million people, hurrying home. I threw together a suitcase not sure how long I'd be gone or what I'd really need. We packed up the car and drove off towards the Colorado mountains.

Whirlwind.

I tossed and turned all night in the hotel bed. I woke up early the next morning, tears in my eyes, scared for what the day might hold. We drove across the street to the Children's Hospital of Denver.
Brian held my hand, hugged me, and told me everything would be alright.

Tests, tests, tests.
Whirlwind.

My parents met us at the hospital during the day and in the afternoon we all shuffled into a conference room full of doctors. They reviewed all the tests with us, gave us options, answered questions.

Whirlwind.

We decided to go ahead with laser surgery the next morning. We would know 12-24 hours after the surgery if it had been successful. I spent the night in the hospital. The next morning a doctor came in to do an ultrasound to see if both of my baby boys had survived. I stared at the screen, praying silently.

"There are two heartbeats."
"They both look really good"

This was music to my ears. My babies were going to make it. It was just the beginning of miracles to come. Thankfulness, gratitude, humility, and peace rushed through my heart. Oh, God you heard our cry. You heard our prayer.

Whirlwind.

I am overwhelmed by the grace of God. I am overwhelmed by His love, by His presence, by His faithfulness.

"I am with you always" 

How beautiful are the promises of the Lord. He is with us always.

Whirlwind.

My little boys are growing. They are alive and well. They are having daily boxing matches inside my belly. I'm on bed rest now for the rest of the pregnancy. I never imagined how tiring laying around all day can be. I'm grateful for this time though. So far it's been a wonderful time to spend time with Jesus. I read the Bible to babies and we pray everyday. God speaks and I do my best to listen.

I'm 23 weeks. The doctor's are hoping I will make it to 32 weeks. I'm believing God for even more than that. 

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for me and my family. I am so humbled by the incredible response we received as we asked to be lifted up. I don't think I have ever felt more encouraged than I have through this whole past few weeks. I am also so grateful for all the wonderful care we received at the hospital in Denver from all the nurses and doctors. I left feeling like family.